Category Archives: Relationships

Shipping Wars: Destroying the Internet Since Forever

We live in a very combative society. Rather than focus on the similarities one has with another, people focus on the differences.

“He went a community college, I’m Ivy League. She dyes her hair at home, I go to the salon. I drink Pepsi, Coke sucks.”

Rather than stating, “Hey we’re both educated, get our hair done, and like soda,” the differences are singled out. This is much more noticeable on the Internet, where you better have your body armor on if you dare decide to make a comment about a TV characters or a celebrity in a public space, like Tumblr.

A recent blog post of mine about the obviously staged “romance” between two Gleeks has been getting a lot of views. Almost all the feedback has been positive because yes, people agree with me. Yet last night, I got my first batch of “hate mail.” I guess that’s when you know you’ve made an impact- you’ve ruffled some 14 year old’s Selena Gomez pajamas.

Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion but the fact that fans of the same show, and of the same people, can be so inclined to rip one another apart like a vulture on a freshly available carcass in the woods just because they don’t agree 100% on the Internet is just wrong.

So to mimic one of the people I admire most, I’m going to answer those messages here, like Tina Fey so perfectly did in Bossypants when she published and replied to rude Internet comments:

Dear Anonymous #1,

You don’t know me nor do you know the experience I do have. You’re the only sending anonymous messages to a stranger on a Friday night. Maybe you should re-evaluate your own life choices.

Dear Anonymous #2,

I’m sorry that you’re bored by my words. I would be a lump of useless misery too if I was you. Falling for everything that the media shows you is a pretty sad and mundane existence. It’s almost as sad as the fact that you probably asked your Justin Bieber cardboard stand-up for advice on what to say to me.

Dear Anonymous #3.

Please pick up the nearest dictionary. Oh, you don’t know what that is? Okay, then please go to www.merriam-webster.com and look up the word “Opinion.” With me so far? Okay, good. Now look up “Blog.” Now put it them together in a sentence and repeat after me: “A blog is the work of one expressing themselves and their opinions.” Welcome to the real world, good luck existing.

In conclusion, the following needs to be reiterated:

  • I will never believe that Lea Michele and Cory Monteith are dating. N-E-V-E-R
  • Achele FTW. Internet slang, I can do it too.
  • I don’t care how many tween Monchele fans come after me. Their real “ship” name should be Mith because that’s exactly what it is (and at least I know the proper spelling is with a ‘y’)
  • Sarcasm is one of the greatest tools of the English language.

Thank you all and have a great day! (said without sarcasm)

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Case of the Cray Cray: Lea & Cory Style

This post is dedicated to my friend Sara, who has been resisting the urge to purge like a bulimic model since hearing about this last week.

According to the rumblings on the street and on entertainment sites from here to Timbuktu, Lea Michele and Cory Monteith are dating. In the words of Jay Z and Kanye West… That shit cray!

I am so certain that they are not really dating that I am willing to bet you my ovaries and toss in a kidney while I’m at it. I won’t buy it even if she’s pregnant and gives birth to an oversized Canadian baby. I’d still chuckle and say, “That shit cray.”

There’s a little something called Public Relations and Marketing that works behind the scenes of everything from your favorite celebrity to the brand of body wash you use. Yep, next time you’re showering, think about how someone else influenced you to rub that all over yourself.

That’s not to say all people are mindless fools who take everything at face value; but if you look at the comments section on all these Lea and Cory articles, you see tweens who don’t know the difference between ‘their’ ‘they’re’ and ‘there’ freaking out because “OMG FINCHEL IS REAL OMG I LOVE THEM!” Gag.

As someone who went to school for and worked in the Public Relations field, I think I have a pretty solid idea of a Showmance when I see one. I saw it with fellow Gleek Dianna Agron and her “boyfriend” Alex Pettyfer to promote their movie I Am Number 4. That story went as far to say they were engaged a week before the movie came out and then as soon as it did, and bombed, they announced their breakup. When later asked about her ‘romance,’ she stated, “Who even said we were together?” Preach!

In the case of Lea and Cory, it’s all too convenient to pair them up. It’s also pathetic. Fox executives are so desperate to hold on to their Glee money boat. With ratings dropping solidly every week, and outlandish episodes like Michael Jackson not even bringing in an audience, they had to turn to Plan B. What’s the fastest way to get people interested? Say that your leading stars and on-screen couple are now dating in real life. And what PERFECT timing to leak this story on the day that their characters are slated to get married!

I refer to this as the Mr. & Mrs. Smith Effect. Ever since the filming of that movie, when rumors were swirling about Brangelina, everyone wants to be a copycat. They just forget that Brangelina had real chemistry and that’s why the movie was so damn good- it was believable! Lea and Cory? They have about as much as on-screen chemistry as you and the homeless person you pass in the subway station every day. And you expect us to believe they’re together in real life? L-O-L has never had more meaning.

So even if we get some sort of PDA heavy pictures soon, I will know they were staged with paparazzi. Just like Dianna and new fake beau Sebastian Stan on Valentine’s Day. Anyone sensing the bigger picture here?

My guess is that neither party will address the issue for the next 7 weeks. Obviously, their people will want to keep the mystery alive during the hiatus. Because wondering about the outcome of a car crash isn’t enough! Then depending on the fate of Finchel, they may either confirm their “relationship” or put the rumors to rest. If they go with the “together” route, they’ll undoubtedly “break up” over the summer but “vow to remain friends” and on to season 4 they go.

It’s all just so transparent. There’s a reason they say less is more. That’s because the couple that stays out of the limelight is hidden for a reason. Right Dianna?

 

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Really Rihanna? REALLY?!

I have just lost all respect for Rihanna. I don’t care how infectious her songs are and how she can make me want to go to Barbados to feel like the “Only Girl in the World.” She just made a mockery of the female sex and that is not okay in my book.

Today was Rihanna’s 24th birthday. It’s sad that I’m only a year older than her yet clearly light-years more mature. Her abusive ex Chris Brown tweeted her birthday wishes today and not only did she reply with a “Thanks!” but she re-tweeted it to her 13.7 million followers. Anyone else with me that this wrong?

If not, how about now… Guess what was just released? No, not a deadly virus to wipe out the stupidity in this world. Not one but TWO remixed songs with them singing together. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!

She is featured on his “Turn Up the Music” even though I’m begging for it to be turned off.  Just when my ears started to bleed with this travesty, I hear the remixed sex infused “Birthday Cake” which is honestly the most repulsive song I have ever heard in my life. I would rather listen to Rebecca Black’s “Friday” remixed with a Gregorian Chant over the sounds of a toilet bowl flushing than ever hear this song again.

It’s not necessarily the content, although with all those sexual innuendos I’m not sure eating a birthday cake will ever be the same, it’s that this excuse of a man beat her with his bare hands and turned her face into a crime scene and she’s allowing him to sing about having sex with her again.

As if it isn’t bad enough that Brown still has a career, Rihanna goes ahead and does this. She is giving the wrong impression to women that it’s okay for a man to beat you; that you can go back to him and everything will be okay. Granted, Rihanna isn’t exactly role model material with songs like “S&M” but she is a woman in a highly coveted public position where people do look up to her. I feel like she forgot what exactly happened that ill fated night. I think she needs to reread the police report before she takes another breath before she winds up taking her last with him.

There really are no words to express just how frustrating and disappointing this is to hear. I honestly feel betrayed by a fellow female that she has gone ahead and told the world that Chris Brown is okay and that he can lick her icing.

If this is the world that we really live in, count me out.

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Home Alone

It’s only January 3rd, and we already have our first celebrity breakup of 2011!

Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin have broken up after being together for more than 8 years. Yes, 8 years. Yes, when he was still in his crazy stage. Yes, Kevin McAllister had a girl like Mila. Which makes you wonder, what kind of taste in men does she have? She was with him through drug arrests, a brief stint in prison and certainly many other unhappy times.

Yet now it’s over. Kunis’ publicist claims the couple broke up months ago but waited until after the press circuits for the Black Swan to be concluded to make the announcement.

Interesting, seeing how just last week Natalie Portman announced she was engaged and pregnant. Maybe Natalie should have waited longer; it could have been a Black Swan hallucination come to life!

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The Best of 2010

Best Song:

Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream

It was the song that got stuck in your head over and over and over again.

 

Best Music Video:

Lady Gaga and Beyoncé for Telephone. Epic!

Best TV Show:

GLEE!

Best Movie:

Black Swan

It might have only come out on December 3, but it blew everything else out of the water.

Best Actor/Actress:

Betty White

No one was hotter than Betty and here’s hoping that she shines even brighter in 2011

Biggest Break-Up:


Sandra Bullock and Jesse James

Three words were never said more during this despicable turn of events… HOW COULD HE?!

Hottest Hookup:

None. Sorry but 2010 was a bit lackluster in celebrity romances.

Wackiest Wacko:


Chelsea Handler

Between dating 50 Cent and showing her lack of class while insulting Angelina Jolie, she definitely qualifies as even wackier than Lindsay Lohan.

Person of the Year:

Going for a two-way tie here: Amber Heard and Naya Rivera.

Amber’s human rights work and personal accomplishments show that she’s going to be the future of Hollywood and it’s about time someone like her came along. With a string of movies set to be released in 2011, everyone will get to know Amber; but I don’t necessarily want to share.

Naya brings so much flare to Glee and the fact that Ryan Murphy finally wised up and made her a series regular with amazing solos leaves her with many Gold Stars; although in true Santana form, she’d reject Rachel’s rewards. Hopefully in 2011, her storyline will get even better and she’ll roll Artie off a cliff.

Most Looking Forward To in 2011?

New music from Britney Spears and Lady Gaga!

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Part 4: Why Women Shouldn’t Date Cheaters

They say love is blind. Surely the lovely Sandra Bullock must have been blind sided when she fell for Jesse James. By Hollywood standards, they were an odd pairing because after all, Hollywood is shallow.

Now that their divorce is settled, Bullock has returned to a degree of normalcy with her adorable new son. James has done what James is good at- moving on.

This week James was spotted having dinner and holding hands with LA Ink star Kat Von D. If we never knew of James’ past romantic involvements, we would surely say that they seem to make a great couple. A match made in ink. They could spend hours swapping tattoo stories as well as create rebellious joint business adventures. Yet since we all know how destructive James can be in relationships, the question is: what is she thinking?

It’s always baffling as to why women become involved with notorious cheaters (A-Rod, Jude Law). It degrades the female sex that they can’t be smarter about their decisions and protect their heart and sanity. Do they believe the person’s money and star status outshine their negative attributes? But what if he was an average Joe that works 9-5, makes $50,000 a year and sleeps with every woman he comes across? I doubt they’d be with him then.

Kat Von D should know better; as all women should know better. Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s only been several months since the Bullock blowup; James hasn’t changed his ways,  he’s only going after someone in his own league.

Yesterday, Von D had tweeted “And yes, Jesse and I are dating” before she promptly deleted it. Hopefully she realized he’d be a big mistake.

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Proposition Hate Overruled!

To celebrate yesterday’s overruling of the hateful and unconstitutional Prop 8 in California, let’s celebrate Hollywood’s favorite gays who deserve equal rights.

And lets not forget America’s favorite coach

Equal rights for all!

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Megan Fox Ties the Knot

Megan Fox married her on again off again boyfriend Brian Austin Green this past week in a private wedding in Hawaii. In other words: one of the hottest actresses of 2010 has married the former hottest guy of 1990.

At age 24, Fox is too “hot” to be wed to Green. She’s too young to be a step-mother to Green’s 7 year old son from a previous relationship. At 24 and in Hollywood she’s too young and too sought after to be married period!

This will only end in divorce which begs the question of why she agreed to marry him in the first place. He’s already 36 and the best thing to happen to his career since 90210 is, oh right, HER! Something seems very fishy about their relationship and from an outsiders’ perspective, one can only assume that he’s just hopping on the Foxy bandwagon in order to reclaim his own fame. No one cared about him in the years between 90210 and now. He’s only somewhat relevant because he considered lucky enough to be dating her.

Yet he couldn’t manage to keep that rock solid either with the numerous times they broke up and got back together. Now I know that Megan might not be the brightest crayon in the box, (although I do think it’s all part of her wonderful public relations planning to pretend she’s dumb for attention), but this is a bit too much.

Sign #1 of destined failure: When Green proposed again two weeks ago, she apparently lost the ring.

Sign #2 of destined failure: At the Jonah Hex premiere she said she won’t get married till she’s 44. She jumped the gun 20 years and is not prepared.

Sign #3 of destined failure: They got married and didn’t even tell her parents, probably because they’d say “What are you doing?!”

Three strikes you’re out. Or maybe Fox just wants to mimic Angelina Jolie further and have a failed youthful marriage. But I don’t think that’s the case.

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Butt Kicking and Love on Buffy

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my life from 1997 to 2003. In fact, it still is a big part of my life. It was and always will be the TV show that I know inside and out, that warms my heart, and makes me want to kick butt at the same time.

As I finished re-watching season 6 of the show, I’m reminded of what good television used to be like. Sure the climatic ending of the show is a tearjerker- Willow is trying to destroy the world because of her grief over Tara, Giles appears to be dying, Spike is getting eaten by bugs- it all screams impending doom. Yet everyone survives because of love.

Xander brings Willow back to reality by saying he loves her, Buffy realizes she wants to show Dawn the world, and Spike is given his soul back. Love is a common element in all Buffy episodes but it had such a profound statement in this last episode. Love is what kept them alive.

All you need in life are your friends and love. Yet I for one know that friends can be a difficult matter that actually make me wish I could become a black magic witch and destroy everything I touch, but that’s another story. Buffy was a coming of age story about how the connections and love you develop with others can save you.

I can’t remember the last time a show had such an important message. 7 years after the show ended, and I still wish it was on. Thank god for DVDs.

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Part 2: Why Pretty Women Shouldn’t Date Dumb Men

As seen in my previous post about pretty women and ugly men, this seems to be a favorite topic of mine. Maybe I should write a “How-To” guide and steer these women in the right direction. Although what kind of expert am I?

With Jesse James and all his stupidity still on my brain, I am finding the break up of Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry to be just as pathetic. Let’s do the math:

1 Hot Halle + 1 Hot Model = 1 Cute Baby ÷ 1 Dumb Boyfriend  x “Wandering Eyes”

Seriously, Gabriel, you were a nobody before you met Halle. Sure you had a pretty face and nice body but no one knew your name. She made you into a commodity in the modeling industry and not only that; you had a child with her, the former Beauty Queen. How dumb can you be to want someone else?

And to think, after all that Halle’s been through. Contemplating suicide over her divorce with baseball player David Justice (I knew I hated the Braves for a reason), divorce from Eric Benet, having to do a sex scene on camera with Billy Bob Thornton, and now you, Mr. French-Canadian Model with no brain.

Not being able to “handle the age difference” after being together for 5 years shows that Gabriel is aging backwards, Benjamin Button style. Clearly he’s still a child. Their 2 year old daughter has a higher IQ than him!

Halle, please join the Winslet/Bullock movie I previously suggested. And bring your Storm X-Men powers while you’re at it.

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