Shipping Wars: Destroying the Internet Since Forever

We live in a very combative society. Rather than focus on the similarities one has with another, people focus on the differences.

“He went a community college, I’m Ivy League. She dyes her hair at home, I go to the salon. I drink Pepsi, Coke sucks.”

Rather than stating, “Hey we’re both educated, get our hair done, and like soda,” the differences are singled out. This is much more noticeable on the Internet, where you better have your body armor on if you dare decide to make a comment about a TV characters or a celebrity in a public space, like Tumblr.

A recent blog post of mine about the obviously staged “romance” between two Gleeks has been getting a lot of views. Almost all the feedback has been positive because yes, people agree with me. Yet last night, I got my first batch of “hate mail.” I guess that’s when you know you’ve made an impact- you’ve ruffled some 14 year old’s Selena Gomez pajamas.

Everyone is allowed to have their own opinion but the fact that fans of the same show, and of the same people, can be so inclined to rip one another apart like a vulture on a freshly available carcass in the woods just because they don’t agree 100% on the Internet is just wrong.

So to mimic one of the people I admire most, I’m going to answer those messages here, like Tina Fey so perfectly did in Bossypants when she published and replied to rude Internet comments:

Dear Anonymous #1,

You don’t know me nor do you know the experience I do have. You’re the only sending anonymous messages to a stranger on a Friday night. Maybe you should re-evaluate your own life choices.

Dear Anonymous #2,

I’m sorry that you’re bored by my words. I would be a lump of useless misery too if I was you. Falling for everything that the media shows you is a pretty sad and mundane existence. It’s almost as sad as the fact that you probably asked your Justin Bieber cardboard stand-up for advice on what to say to me.

Dear Anonymous #3.

Please pick up the nearest dictionary. Oh, you don’t know what that is? Okay, then please go to www.merriam-webster.com and look up the word “Opinion.” With me so far? Okay, good. Now look up “Blog.” Now put it them together in a sentence and repeat after me: “A blog is the work of one expressing themselves and their opinions.” Welcome to the real world, good luck existing.

In conclusion, the following needs to be reiterated:

  • I will never believe that Lea Michele and Cory Monteith are dating. N-E-V-E-R
  • Achele FTW. Internet slang, I can do it too.
  • I don’t care how many tween Monchele fans come after me. Their real “ship” name should be Mith because that’s exactly what it is (and at least I know the proper spelling is with a ‘y’)
  • Sarcasm is one of the greatest tools of the English language.

Thank you all and have a great day! (said without sarcasm)

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One comment

  1. Dani · April 1, 2012

    The writer of this blog cracks me up!!! I love it esp the response to te person who didn’t really understand what an opinion was! Lol it’s a free country get used to it haters! Good work Murphy 🙂

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