When I woke up yesterday to the news that Cory Monteith had died, I was in a state of shock. Initially, I couldn’t process the words I was reading- it just had to be a joke, a dream, or a really bad plot in a show I was watching. Cory couldn’t be dead, he was only 31!
Except unfortunately he is, and while we don’t yet know the cause of death, chances are that it was alcohol and drug related. Cory never shied away from his troubled past, which came into light even more so lately when his relapse sent him back to rehab in April. To know what obstacles he overcame- dropping out of high school and being an addict at 19- and then turning his life around and becoming the adorable boy on a hit TV show and ultimately dating his beautiful costar, shows a journey that was cut far too short. It’s just a shame that these demons most likely got the best of him in the end and that he wasn’t able to persevere.
This hurts on an even deeper level for me because of my personal feelings for him. I met Cory once and while it was just a press event and I surely didn’t make an impact on his life, his goofy grin and bedroom eyes will forever be etched in my mind just like a scene on Glee that I still manage to know inside and out. Anyone who knows me knows of my love of Glee, mostly the cast more so than the show at this point. If you didn’t know that, all you had to do is look above at the banner of this blog to see the faces of Dianna Agron, Lea Michele, and Cory staring back at you. Except now I can’t even look at a picture of Cory without filling with sadness because I know that these pictures will never happen again in the future.
The future of Glee also seems bleak. Even though Finn didn’t have as large of a role in the fourth season, he was still an integral part of the show. Even without him, how can we all sing along without feeling sad? How can we watch without thinking that he’s gone? How will Lea Michele go to work every day knowing that her boyfriend is dead? I personally would not be able to function.
I feel like Cory was a part of my extended family, and that may sound deranged, but Glee was a major part of my life for reasons that not everyone will understand. Glee had the power to bring a friend and I even closer, and yes, we may have become borderline obsessive with our feelings but Glee was something that just made sense to us. In our own alternate reality, Cory/Finn Hudson would be the man she married and the friend I turned to in times of need. And now all we have left is the fantasy, that truly cannot come true now.
None of this feels real. And maybe it’s best to continue pretending that it’s not because I want to look back at Glee and remember happier times. Times when the fantasy was alive; inspired that there was hope for better days on the horizon. It may all sound crazy but it’s something that I will always hold near and dear to my heart, just like Cory.
May 11 1982 – July 13, 2013
Forever yours, faithfully