Taylor Swift and I will never be friends.

This isn’t because the chances of us meeting is out of the realm of possibility. She surely dates enough people to eventually know someone who knows someone who I know.

Nor will our lack of friendship be because of my distaste of her music. I hate to admit it but I am still obsessed with “I Knew You Were Trouble” and do shamefully like songs like “Love Story” and “You Belong with Me.” Yeah, I said it. This would probably put us in friend territory, or at least acquaintances.

But the real reason we will never be friends is because she doesn’t know how to take a joke and proceeded to bash Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. No one takes a stab at them and gets away with it!

In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, Swift addresses the joke that was made by Fey during the Golden Globes that she should stay away from Michael J. Fox’s son. If she didn’t want her dating life to be public fodder then maybe she should learn how to keep all her boyfriends a secret and not buy houses near them, or write songs about them.

For Swift to go ahead and make a comment like this is just plain rude:

“You know, Katie Couric is one of my favorite people because she said to me she had heard a quote that she loved that said, ‘There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.'”

It’s ironic that Katie Couric was able to enlighten Swift with this quote by Madeleine Albright. Couric was really doing a great job of helping a fellow woman when she inadvertently contributed to the downfall of Sarah Palin on national television by not sensing the duress Palin was under at thinking of a newspaper she read. (Note: I do not support Sarah Palin in any way, shape, or form other than pure entertainment value which resulted in a great Halloween costume in 2008).

I think that Swift is just in a constant quest to play the victim- that’s why she writes songs about unrequited love, heartbreak, and wanting to appear like the bigger person. Naturally she would want to try to bring down Fey and Poehler like every other person she has let her in life briefly because she uses this all as a muse.

If she ever writes a song about mean girls, I will certainly not find myself singing along to it or watching remix videos of goats and motion activated paper towel dispensers with it because at the end of the day, Fey and Poehler are the best. And if they’re going to hell, I can’t wait to see them there.